people

Too Many Suffer

It’s National PTSD Awareness Day. I had to study the picture to figure out what it was showing me. In case you need help, the background is camouflage, for a military uniform, and there is a tear running from the very healthy looking green eye.

I know a lot of people who suffer from PTSD, not all military. The men and women who have served in war zones and seen the effects of combat on the human body suffer, mostly in silence, trying to make sense of the senseless. Generally it is an invisible problem, so easy for someone else to say, “Well, he/she came home without a scratch.” There might not be any visible wound, but I can guarantee they have emotional ones. Some just deal with it better than others. A friend named Norm had the job of arming war head bombs during the Korean War. He never was in a war zone himself, but to this day he wonders if any of those bombs he loaded, killed anyone. It keeps him awake at night, even after all these years.

Another group who suffer from PTSD are parents who have buried children. The siblings of that child suffer also. I just read an article by Paula Stephens entitled “What I Wish More People Understood About Losing a Child”. She called the death of a child an “out-of-order death”. It’s unnatural. The pain never goes away and the child’s birthday and the day they became an angel are the toughest days of the year for the family. The power of the date is sometimes overwhelming. If you know anyone in this category mention to them the fact you remember something about their child. It helps them to know people haven’t forgotten their baby (no matter the age).

Sometimes even a stressful job can result in PTSD symptoms for those who did the job. Police officers, medical personnel, company heads, and anyone who has dealt with a traumatic situation are in that group. And their spouses and families suffer with them. It is proven that support groups can help people who deal with PTSD, but it is also a fact that too many people don’t look for a group because “they can handle it on their own”. I find that sad. I thinks it’s very helpful for a person to know they aren’t the only one who feels the way they do and they are still normal, maybe with a new definition of normal.

06/27/2017 0

It’s National Beautician Day. Where would we be without our hair stylists? It’s one of those things that is really hard to do for yourself unless you are ambidextrous and can work backwards in a mirror. It’s also frustrating when the stylist can make your hair do things that you can’t. The phrase, “I just can’t make it look like she does,” comes to mind.

I’m one of those lucky old ladies that has very little grey hair so I don’t spend time at the beauty shop getting my hair colored. My sisters are jealous. The fun part for me is when I am with them and people ask if I am their daughter instead of realizing I am the little sister. It makes them angry. It would me too if the shoe were on the other foot.

My husband used to get his hair cut by a professional but now I cut it. That came about when he went into a shop one day as a song on the radio started playing. He was back in his vehicle in time to hear the end of the second song by the same artist, with a buzz cut and without $12.00. With clippers, I can do it in about ten minutes and he gets a kiss on the cheek when I take the cape off. He says that is the best part.

I know some ladies that have been going to the same stylist for a good many years and they are fast friends and confidants. That hasn’t worked for me partly because I’ve moved too many times, but more so because I have fine, just curly enough to be a pain not a gift hair and I haven’t found anyone who can make it look nice and deal with the curls at the same time. It’s quite a challenge to get it symmetrical like I want it.

I enjoy going to the beauty shop to relax and listen to the other conversations. There is always a slice of life that is different to me. I find it frustrating to pay $50.00 when I am there less than half an hour. I guess the stylist has a good gig, especially if she can please her clients.

Next time you go to your beautician, be mindful they are on their feet all day and probably have to listen to a lot of stories like a bartender does. I guess their job is worth the price you have to pay to look good.

06/26/2017 0

Not So Long Ago

It’s National Loving Day. The title of this day has two meanings. It is about love, and about a couple with the last name of Loving. It is an annual celebration that commemorates the anniversary of the 1967 United States Supreme Court decision Loving vs. Virginia. That decision struck down all anti-miscegenation laws, that banned inter-racial marriage, remaining in sixteen U.S. states citing “There can be no doubt that restricting the freedom to marry solely because of racial classifications violates the central meaning of the equal protection clause.”

I had no idea that inter-racial marriage had ever been illegal. I guess I’m not as well versed as I thought. And 1967 wasn’t so long ago, actually during my life-time. I don’t know why they didn’t use a picture of the actual couple that fought the fight. I will show you who they were.

Richard and Mildred Loving

As a young Air Force wife in the early 1970’s, knowing bi-racial couples was common especially when we lived in England. We didn’t think any thing of it. Maybe it was because we were young and the decade of free-love had just happened. I’m not sure the actual reason, but I am sure we thought they were brave and maybe a little “far-out” as the term went back then.

I also remember there being more parental disapproval for dating an opposing religion. My mother taught us that people were people. You liked them because of their merits, and avoided them for the same. Color was not an issue in my house. I’m glad of that thought process, though it did leave me at a disadvantage when it came to understanding why other parents didn’t think the same way. I realize now, my Mom was “hip”.

On a recent trip to The French Quarter in New Orleans, one of the main things I noticed was people were people. There was no apparent concern what race, sexual gender or back-ground anyone was. They were just people. It was a very freeing feeling, one I wished had carried back to western New York state where I live.

As you go about your day give some thought to love; what it means, why you love the people you do, and how you demonstrate it to others. Then add in all the people of different ethnicity who you know and be thankful for Richard and Mildred Loving, that we can choose to love who we want without ever thinking about whether it is legal or not.

06/12/2017 0

You Choose Each Other

Today is National Best Friends Day. What do you consider a best friend? My definition includes things like loyal, accepting, someone I could travel with, someone to share secrets with and best of all, you choose each other because it’s fun and comfortable to spend time together. If your best friend is also a blood relative, you are even luckier.

I am very fortunate. I have best friends in different aspects of my life. I have M.B. who I went all through school with and have stayed in close contact with to this day. We know each others personal life secrets and don’t tell. I have 90-year-old V.B. and 76-year-old K.K. who are older women I can bounce life’s challenges off; they have more experience than I do and can share different view points with me. I have my sewing buddies; three ladies who had very similar childhoods to mine. We talk about current events, our families, and quilting— mostly quilting. We laugh a lot together. I also have a lady friend, J.G., who can often explain other people’s actions to me. And then I have my Blog supporters, N.G., K.P., and R.C.. I’ve never met R.C. but she has a blog and is an author and baker. I’m sure if we had a chance to share a cup of tea or coffee, we could talk for hours about our like interests and hug each other at the end of our visit. I also have three older sisters who I am close to. We can actually travel together and enjoy it. I am truly blessed to have so many close female friends. And let’s not leave out my children, who I can complain to and share the joy of the milestones we all accomplish.

The list wouldn’t be complete without including my husband. When we first met he said, “I don’t care about your past. I am interested in the person you have become because of it.” He has always stuck to that, never questioning or berating me for mistakes or decisions I made before I met him. He is my most loyal supporter and because of his acceptance I have been able to grow as a person. He deserves my trust and loyalty because he treats me the way I need to be treated, not the way he thinks I should be and he let’s me be me.

As I write, or sew, or cook, I have another best friend. My cat, Useless. He is my constant companion, will listen to anything I have to say, warms my lap while I nap or read, and doesn’t argue. He can be a pain about wanting to go out and come back in so many times in an evening, but I never come home to an empty house with him here to greet me. He has a bed in my sewing studio and shares my chair with me, or takes it over is more like it. He’s fourteen now and starting to show his age. That makes me sad.

Today would be a good day to tell your best friend(s) how much they mean to you. Life sure would be empty if we didn’t have our favorite humans to share it with.

06/08/2017 0

I’ll Claim Alan

It’s brother’s day. I’m not sure why they picked the picture above. I would have picked a bunch of young people sitting around a picnic table so everyone could identify with it. I envy all of you that have a brother because I didn’t. Sisters are fine, but you can’t go to them and ask how a male thinks. I claimed my friend Mimi’s brother, Alan, as my own. I used to stay overnight at their house and Alan and I would have talks. When I got stressed in school, it was him who I sought out because he knew what to say to unruffle my feathers. When I had questions about other guys, I went to Alan. He would always take time for me.

I have a young man in my life who I call my bonus-son. The definition of that is someone I claim as a son, but didn’t have to give birth to. I have decided it would be all right to call Alan my bonus-brother; a male I could depend on like a brother and who cared about me like a sister. He was even better than a brother because he never tried to scare me with a snake, put a frog in my bed or steal my Easter candy. He was a really good friend and confidant. Unfortunately Alan died way too young, so I have been without him for the last 17 years. His sister and I still have lunch together once a month, she remains my most trusted secret-keeper, even as old as we now are, both over 60.

I hope you have siblings in your life that you can depend on and talk to. I know sometimes friends are better than siblings so I hope you have a special few you are close to. Brothers and sisters, in lots of cases, can make life so much easier to deal with.

05/24/2017 0

It’s a Team Effort

It’s National Military Spouse Appreciation Day. This day is always celebrated the Friday before Mother’s Day. We all know, in the past that would have been very appropriate. The stereo-type still has most people thinking it’s only men in the military, but that is no longer the case. I didn’t check, but perhaps this day should also be celebrated the Friday before Father’s Day.

I’m an ex-spouse of an Air Force member. I’m proud that I was able to serve my country in that capacity. Serve, you ask? You’re darn right! We left our families behind, went where we were told, when we were told, and my kids have no real roots as their schools changed as often as our address did. I don’t mean to sound like I am complaining, but a transient life at the will of Uncle Sam is a lot less grounded than a life close to your own hometown with the folks handy to call on when a baby is about to arrive or one of the kids is sick.

In war-time when a military spouse is deployed, the other spouse is left holding all the responsibilities of the family. I have had people say to me, “Well, you knew that’s what you signed up for.” That’s true, but again, it’s not the same when you are in a foreign country or living on a military installation that is in the boonies of a state you are unfamiliar with. The best part is, the other spouses are in the same situation, and you bond quickly with the neighbors. The sad part, is when you get transferred, you rarely hear from those people again. It truly is a nomadic way of life. In my case, the experiences I had and the places I got to live and visit made up for that.

Some civil service jobs give preference to ex-military members. I feel that should also be extended to the ex-military dependents but I doubt that will ever happen.

I fly an American flag, correctly lit, 24/7. My time as a military spouse has given me an understanding that people not connected to the military don’t have and I’m proud of it. Next time you see a military member and think of saying thank you to them, add, and to your family too. I’m sure they will appreciate it.

05/12/2017 0

Sue Spitulnik

Writing, Sewing, Travel, and Thoughts

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